I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize