I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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