to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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