She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
