my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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