Porn is love you can see.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
