he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
