Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
