It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
