Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
