def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize