This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
