Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
