Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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