I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
