Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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