My friends, they love my intelligence
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
