He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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