I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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