$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
