Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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