I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
