Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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