Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
