Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have demons in me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
