Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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