i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
