Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Terrible idea I love it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
