Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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