She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
