Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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