and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
