I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
