I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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