I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
