we have pet lesbian snakes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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