Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
