my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
