wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
