we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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