We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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