If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
