I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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