someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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