Your tits are I can't wait for
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Randomize
