can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
