I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Panties = found
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize