Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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