just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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