Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
