I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
