Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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