This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
PANTIES FOUND
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