What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
