someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love you. Go after that dick
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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