How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
