upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize