he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
