out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
