there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
