he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
