It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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