Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
