Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
