I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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