Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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