there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
