He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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