you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
