some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
