Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
